Whiplash
by house arrest
Summary: Ino finally finds a way to outdo the rest of Sasuke's fanclub. And it would have worked, if... Reader beware, you're in for... CRACK!


Disclaimer: Yaoi fans would celebrate if I did own Naruto.

**Whiplash**

Ino was desperate. And when she was desperate, she was brilliant. Or maybe just desperate. You decide.

As usual, it was a fine morning in Konoha, and Yamanaka Ino of the renowned mind-switching specialist clan woke up from a dream involving the one man that had always invaded her dreams (and surely everyone else's dreams). And it was a happy dream to boot, one that involved bending over, sore knees, and a peacock feather tickling what no avian body part should ever tickle. If one wanted to remain traditional, that is, and Yamanaka Ino was definitely _not_ traditional.

Anyways. That fine Thursday morning was also the fine day she figured out how to finally get what she has always wanted. Well, what she's always wanted more than Tenten in leather straps (untraditional, remember?), but less than the _Prada_ hip-hugging skirt she saw in the magazine. No, no, no, we're talking about the most sought-after prize every fangirl (and Neji) has always coveted: the Uchiha boy himself.

And that was the day that pushed Ino over the edge from untraditional to neurotically psychotic, along the lines of a certain Godaime Kazekage in everyday life, a drunk Godaime Hokage (what is it with Godaimes, anyway?), and an Icha-deprived Jounin who can't find his beloved Chuunin ass-monkey anywhere. Truly, Ino could rival any of those, because her brilliant plan… worked way too perfectly.

The gossip vine could tell one many things, especially if one is the founder. No, no, Ino's not the founder, but she's pretty close to Asuma (who's also not the founder), whose got the hots for Gai (who's also not the founder, although he looks the part), whose eternal rival is Kakashi (blah, blah, not the founder), who's eternally looking for the rump attached to a certain Iruka-sensei (not the founder but whom many gossips are founded upon), who lives right next door to Kurenai (not the founder, but has mad Genjutsu skillz that make for interesting gossips), whose bitch is Anko, who actually **is** the founder! And by association, Ino is practically at the core herself! Besides, Anko has always seen Ino's potential, and her grape vine discriminates no one who has a loud mouth and a heart bursting with curiosity to invade everyone else's privacy.

Anyways. A prized member of the Uchiha faction of the vine fortunately lives right below Sasuke's apartment (whom we shall hide behind the pseudonym Giranui Shenma) once circulated the news that, every Thursday, rhythmic thumping can be heard from his ceiling (which is coincidentally the floor to a certain Sharingan user's bedroom) along with muffled groans, moans, sudden yelps, meeps, shrieks, gasps, and sometimes even Madonna music when one listens just hard enough.

Minutes after the news has been fed into the vine, numerous microphones, stethoscopes, chakra-enhanced ears, and Byakugan-enhanced eyes found themselves pressed against Gen – err, Shenma's ceiling every week starting approximately at 8:57 pm, and the entrance fee collection box right beside the front door is the only explanation why the apartment owner can afford to take month-long vacations without relying on his Jounin salary (tagging Raidou along to make it all worth it). Don't ask why the Byakugan eyes are pressed against the ceiling despite its X-Ray vision and telescopic enhancements, as Neji does not wish to be interrupted.

But that very Thursday evening, Yamanaka Ino was going to outdo them all.

At 8 pm, our beloved blond kunoichi had stationed herself in the apartment right next door to Sasuke's. What she did to the tenant (her own lazy teammate) is a story for another perverted day, but what matters now is that she patiently waits in the room that shares a wall with the next door unit's bedroom, chakra at its peek and senses alert to rival that of Kakashi's nin-dogs. She whiles the hour away until she hears the front door open, close, muffled conversation, shuffling, the soft ruffling of what could only be cloth sliding off skin… And minutes later the rhythmic thumping begun, which she recognized from the 37 times she availed of Genma's services and the various recordings she plays 24/7 in her bedroom.

Once the thumping reached its steady beat (the one she knew would continue uninterrupted for 576.8763 seconds) she performed the necessary hand seals and activated the secret Yamanaka-only jutsu that has been passed down for generations. And thus, her soul was released and slowly floated towards the spot she sensed her target was by precise charka placing. She didn't rush; she knew she roughly had 491.6659 seconds left. And finally, at 436.9347 seconds remaining, she felt another consciousness beneath her own. Success!

She opened her new body's closed eyes and was greeted with the orgasmic sight of her dreamboy's face right beneath her own. She almost came right there, right then, at the sounds of Sasuke's uncontrolled panting, spontaneous moaning, sudden yelps of what could only be pleasure, at the sight of the Uchiha's ruffled hair, his flushed cheeks, his half-lidded eyes, his partly agape mouth, the beads of sweat running down his forehead, his pert nipples glistening wetly with saliva, his washboard stomach marked with countless hickeys, his…

Wha…?

Unsure of what she was seeing, Ino turned her head accidentally towards a mirror and was instantly confused. _Father never told me that mirrors would show a Yamanaka possessing another body…_ For surely, she was seeing herself in bed with her future husband. She saw her blond hair… her blue eyes… her tan skin…?

Her flat yet muscled chest?

Her… unfamiliar body part thrust deep in a place where no peacock feather should ever tickle!

She tore her eyes from the mirror, glancing downwards to see the real thing. Indeed, she did have a… rather hard pole growing out of her crotch, impaled to the hilt in between alabaster mounds of Uchiha asscheeks. Surely, a moment of shock is in order.

"Dobe?" Sasuke inquired at the stunned look of his partner. "Cumming so soon? I'm not even on my knees yet."

In the unit below, countless microphones, stethoscopes, audio recording devices, and eardrums were shattered by a bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" that startled even Genma and Raidou over at wave country during their extended vacation.

"Sounds like something went out of routine tonight," Genma observed.

Raidou gasped. "Shut up… and… keep… pushing!"

"Dobe? What's wrong?"

"I don't know… but… for a moment there… I felt a strong urge… to buy a Prada skirt… and tie Tenten in leather straps…"

"What! Are you going straight on me now!"

"Shut up… and… keep… moaning!"

"Hn…!"

≡≡≡

♥fin

≡≡≡

A/N: Thanks one and all for reading - I hope nobody got bored XD

Oh, and by the way, I'm looking for a beta.


End file.
